Are You Worth It?
Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.
- - Albert Einstein
Being creative and innovative requires self-acceptance and the belief that what you have to say has value. That it’s worth something. It takes time and belief in myself to write a blog every week. Each one requires time and creativity. They require new ideas. Sometimes I wonder what on earth I still have to say, but I always come up with something new that makes me want to write and see what ends up on the page.
I was at dinner with few friends when a woman a woman asked me, “Do you just go to the computer and write your blog in one session? Do you know what you’re going to write about before you sit down to do it? Is it hard to feel confident?”
I write my blogs over several days and I don’t always feel confident. I usually have a bunch of false starts before I choose a topic and get into the swing. I don’t look for shock value. I’m not interested in gossip or political negativity. In the words of the Tibetan Monks that I follow, I search for something that is wholesome. That word intrigues me. I see it as something healthy and positive that makes me feel open and secure whether I’m happy or sad, fulfilled or regretful. I have found that if I tell my story with honesty and compassion, my ideas will most likely resonate with other people and we will all feel satisfied and gratified.
When I decided to write my memoir, I thought about how I would approach it. I could write the positive highlights of my life and tell some noteworthy and playful stories. I had a lot of them. But if I didn’t expose the difficulties and disappointments along the way and the fears I had encountered, it would be boring. It would sound whitewashed. I made a commitment to dig deep, to reveal my fears and doubts and put them on the page. I searched for the courage to find worth in the things I had done and how my experiences made me the person I had become.
Today I see that writing from my heart sparks emotions in other people. I look for ways to be kind and compassionate with myself no matter what I’m writing and provide something real and authentic and worthwhile that people can hold onto. Even when the writing flows, doing this isn’t easy. Over the years, my students know how scary it is to open their hearts and reveal the truth without self-judgment. It’s a challenge to believe that they’re worth it. One of them gets sweaty hands before she reads. Another one is so sure that his pieces are terrible, he stammers when he begins. One student apologizes for making it too short and another one apologizes for making it too long. We just can’t give ourselves a break and trust that if our writing is valuable to us, it will be valuable to other people.
When my memoir came out, I was invited to a women’s book club. Someone asked me, “How could you tell the truth about that abusive relationship you had? Doesn’t it make you feel ashamed and naked?”
“Yes, it does,” I said, “but it also makes me feel connected to other women. We all have difficulties in our lives and I believe that it is the job of good writers to say the things that other people are afraid to say out loud. Whatever you say is worth saying because you are not alone in your fears and shame.”
Spiritual teacher, Baba Ram Dass said that when we let of our perceived unworthiness, we can recognize our own beauty.
I’ve learned over time that however it looks from the outside, we are all worthy human beings with worthy human feelings that help us find connection with our fellow travelers. I was able to successfully work with celebrities because I was aware that when a performer is lauded and celebrated for his or her talent, they still go home to their families and their insecurities. They still have to work on their marriages and raise their children to be good people. They still have to nurture their friendships and perhaps most important of all, they have to be able to withstand criticism and believe that they are worthy of the life they are living.
Motivational speaker, Brene Brown says: “You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”