Human Doing or Humah Being?

                        Don’t just do something. Stand there.

- - - The White Rabbit

We get so caught up in doing things, sometimes we forget to pause and breathe. Some of us undervalue the gift of slowing down and just being with ourselves. A friend of mine told me that she ended each day by asking herself if she had done enough. Should she have done more? Was she productive? Did she spend too much time relaxing? Could she make up for it tomorrow? By the time she was through, she was anxious, she felt like she had failed and she couldn’t sleep.

I look at my life differently. Instead of trying to do more, I ask myself, was I compassionate with myself and my friends? Did I give enough? Did I judge? Did I listen well? Did I honk my horn when someone didn’t start driving the minute the light turned green? How about the person who put me on hold when I needed to speak to someone at the DWP? Was I rude and impatient with him?

One of my all time favorite authors, Kurt Vonnegut said, “We are human beings, not human doings.” It stayed with me. A human doing is someone who focuses on tasks, goals and accomplishments. They feel that they must do things well to be of value. A human being is someone who focuses on the journey and the experience, just as it is. This is how they find value in life.

When we do too much, we become stressed. So many illnesses, both mental and physical, start with stress as we race around, trying to check things off our “to do” lists. It’s a good tool to write things down that we’d like to accomplish on any given day, but if you think you can get to the end of a “to do” list, there is no end. One thing gets checked off and another one takes its place in a never ending loop.

For me, being productive feels good, but not at the risk of driving myself crazy. When I write, I lose time and it feels like I’m in a fluid place. I’m doing something. But if my mind begins to blur, I stop. When I feel wiped out, I push away from the computer and rest my brain and my body.

During the eighties, I took a dozen trips to the Philippines to research the world famous faith healers. I was drawn to one particular healer named Alex and people stood in long lines to see him. He worked nonstop for about four hours and then he stood up. He looked exhausted and he left the room. Everyone waited. In about a half hour, he returned looking refreshed and ready to go back to work.

I asked Alex what he did during his break.

“I eat, I pray and I relax. I look at myself in the mirror and when I looked rested, I’m ready to go back in there and see more people.”

My students ask me how they can push through their resistance and find a way to get to the computer and write. I suggest they map out a time in their schedule, 8-9 AM for example, as if it were a doctor’s appointment and they have to show up. But there’s a caveat. If time has passed and you feel confused or spent, (not after five minutes), you need to stop and unravel your brain. You need to stop doing and start being. Breathe. Meditate. Get into the hot tub. Take a walk. When you get back to work, you’ll feel rejuvenated.

Remembering to pause and breathe is a healthy way to live. The late Vietnamese monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, talked about turning to meditation in every part of life. He was a proponent of walking meditation and eating meditation. He suggested that when you’re in a car and you stop at a red light, instead of tapping your fingers on the steering wheel, checking the time and cursing at the car in front of you, use the pause as a reminder to breathe. I try doing it and it’s a big help but I forget sometimes. “This is the longest red light in the city,” I hear myself thinking. “I hit every single red light. Now I’m going to be late.” And up goes my blood pressure.

When you wonder if you’ve done enough, think of monks meditating in caves for long periods of time. They don’t feel lazy or non-productive. They see it as a way to remove distractions and learn about themselves but they’re not only doing it for themselves. In the Buddhist tradition, in everything you do, you send loving kindness to all sentient beings. If you can affect one person with your compassion instead of pushing yourself around when you’re tired, you are doing your part in making the world a better place. I think that’s the best combination of doing and being that there is.