More on Embracing Mediocrity: Excerpt from my book: A Friendly Guide to Writing and Ghostwriting
When you do anything challenging for the first time, it often starts so poorly, mediocrity is a step up. No one writes their first sentence and an entire story comes flowing out perfectly in a refined and finished form. In Anne Lamott’s excellent guide for writers, Bird by Bird, she explains the inevitability of writing a “shitty first draft.”
She says, For me, and most of the other writers I know, writing is not rapturous. I know some very good writers . . . and not one of them sits down routinely feeling wildly enthusiastic and confident. Not one of them writes elegant first drafts . . .
We all write shitty first drafts, even Anne Lamott. And we are all embarrassed by them. “It doesn't sound right,” we say to ourselves. “It should be as good as my favorite books. I guess I can't do it.”
You can do it but your self-abasing, counterproductive judgments and lack of patience can cause you to fail. Brazilian author, Paul Coehlo, says, Every time you judge yourself, you hurt yourself.
Do you see how you stop yourself from growing and learning? You have to accept the fact that you’re not going to be excellent at first. Some years ago, when I read through the initial draft of my first book, I was so disgusted with it, I picked up the manuscript, threw it in a closet, and slammed the door. I was done . . . until I opened the closet a few days later, retrieved the loose pages, put them in order (thank goodness I’d numbered them), and got back to work. After several years, many rewrites and multiple rejections later, I got a publishing deal. What if I hadn’t opened that closet door again? What if I had crumbled under the shame of mediocrity and stopped improving my work and looking for a publisher?
Imagine how many great books, paintings, operas, plays and films languish in the back of a closet or on a bottom shelf somewhere, never seeing the light of day because someone was afraid of being mediocre. Bestselling author, Kathryn Stockett, who wrote The Help, a blockbuster novel adapted to an award-winning film, holed up in a hotel room, writing and rewriting her book. Her friends told her to quit after sixty agents had rejected her submission, but she was stubborn as hell. Each time she got a rejection letter, she went back to the computer, made it better, and submitted it to someone else. She managed to keep believing in herself as she worked hard to eliminate judgments about good and bad, worthy or unworthy, mediocre or excellent. Eventually, she got a deal from publisher #61. If she had thrown in the towel at #60, we would have missed a great book, an award-winning movie, and she would have missed the satisfaction of completing something that earned her fulfillment, monetary gain, praise and success. That may not be in the cards for you, but if you don’t try, you’ll never know.
Each time you fail and you will, each time you feel the pain of loss, try viewing it as the raw material necessary to restart the uphill climb toward a shiny goal. When you soothe and encourage yourself, you become relaxed and playful and that leads to creativity. If you can lift yourself up instead of tearing yourself down, if you can encourage rather than judge yourself, you’ll be amazed at the talent and excellence that’s hiding beneath the austerity.
American science fiction writer, Octavia E. Butler, worked as a telemarketer, a dishwasher, and a potato chip inspector among other temporary jobs, to make ends meet while she was writing. Despite her dyslexia and years of rejections, she would wake up at two or three in morning to write. Butler had no one to cheer her on but she refused to give up, scribbling down mantras of success to inspire herself. She ultimately became one of the most successful, groundbreaking sci-fi authors of all time because she didn’t fold in the face of mediocrity.
When I feel lonely, uncomfortable and untalented, I try thinking of writing as my holy calling, a tile in the mosaic of my spiritual path. You may not receive material success, Van Gogh had never sold a painting, but he reveled in the process. You never know what will happen or where you’ll end up, so instead of criticizing yourself, give yourself kudos for showing up to do the work. Stop wondering whether it’s good enough or whether you're good enough. All that matters is getting the words on the page, no matter how they sound, and finding the stamina and fortitude to keep on doing it and making it better. To give yourself a fighting chance.
Many years ago, a friend of mine wrote a memoir and earned a lucrative contract from a major publisher. I congratulated her, I wanted to be genuinely happy for her, but deep down, I was jealous of her success. I asked myself, Why did she get the deal and not me? I’m a better writer than she is and I haven't gotten any offers. Then I realized that she had finished her book while I was still obsessing over my first chapter. How could I get a deal, lucrative or otherwise, without writing the book first? I got angry at myself. Unfortunately, I’ve had a lot of practice at that. But slowly, slowly, I stopped telling myself how inadequate I was. I printed out the sorry chapter I'd written and read it through – only to realize that it wasn’t all that bad. It certainly wasn’t as bad as I thought it was and I was ready to go on to Chapter Two. How else would I have a book to submit?
When students ask me how to find an agent or a publisher, I tell them to finish the book first. I found an agent after I was offered my first book contract. Not before. If you make good on your side of the bargain – writing and improving the book – the powers that be just might open up and guide you in the right direction. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Once you make a decision, the Universe will conspire in helping you achieve it.”
When you find yourself in a rut, loath to stop writing and afraid to continue, when you can't move forward no matter what you do or say, if your work feels like junk and you have no idea what do, try forgiving yourself. That may sound weird or off base, but underneath the anger is a scared child who thinks she’s a loser. The more you harangue and criticize her, the more she turns in on herself since anger begets fear which turns into paralysis.
If you can’t forgive yourself for avoiding, writing badly, comparing yourself to others and judging, you’re lost before you start. It would be much kinder and more effective to measure, not how far you have to go, but rather how far you’ve come since you began. Try giving yourself permission to be mediocre. Treat yourself with love and patience. When you stop expecting perfection and accept mediocrity as a necessary part of the process, you’ll be amazed at the beauty, creativity, and inspiration that already lives deep inside of you.