More On: Nailing the Interviews: Excerpt From My Book: A Friendly Guide to Writing and Ghostwriting
When it comes to interview styles, it's your job to figure out what will put a client at ease. You can ask them because most of the time, they don’t know. Make sure to laugh at their jokes and show compassion for the difficulties they have encountered in their lives. It’s all about making them comfortable so they feel safe enough to tell the truth about themselves.
Oscar winning movie star, Viola Davis, says, “Your only job as an artist is to put the truth out there into the world.”
Celebrities lives are extremely challenging which affects their moods. Granted, they have a lot of expensive stuff: they fly in private jets and they take over entire restaurants to accommodate baby showers and birthdays.. But they also have a harder time than the rest of us because their dirty laundry gets aired publicly. Many of them have been so slandered and exposed, they’re gun shy to talk to me at all, so I have to remind them that I’m not a reporter and that they get the final say about what gets printed and what doesn’t. Between the confidentiality tomes I sign and my efforts to not be swayed by their fame, they usually find some comfort and permission to be themselves.
I’ve gotten pretty good at reading my clients but still, I make mistakes. When the process reaches a point where they come up against an event in their history that was not pleasant and no one jumps in to save them, tension rises and they may start to act out. I try to see them like a child throwing a tantrum and I become a comforter and a de-escalator, encouraging them to stop and breathe. They have to see me as an ally, not an enemy, while I urge them to dig into the secrets they have so handily tucked away. At the same time, I have to show them that as kind, gentle, and compassionate as I am, I’m not about to back down. They have to believe that I’m strong enough to keep their secrets. (I can only imagine the book I could write if there was no confidentiality.) I do my best to put them at ease but when I ask a question and I get a negative reaction, I apologize and hope I haven't broken the tenuous connection we’ve established.
I once asked a woman about her parent’s divorce and she got an instant migraine. I had no idea she would have that reaction, I hadn't tried to upset her, but I apologized anyway. Even if you do or say nothing wrong, if you find it difficult to apologize, you have to learn to do it. A simple gesture to show that you might have been at fault is easy and it works wonders. As powerful and charismatic as celebrities may seem, their egos are fragile. They've gotten really good at hiding it, but don’t be fooled by their outer semblance of self-confidence or control. They are human beings just like the rest of us. They cry, they bleed, they fall in love, they get dumped, and they get their feelings hurt so an apology can go a long way.
It isn't easy to be the leader, the alpha dog, with someone who doesn’t like to be a follower, but you need to show them in no uncertain terms that you’re solid, you are always there, you are kind and focused, and no matter what they do or don't do, the book will be written.
Early one morning, while I was getting ready to drive to the home of a client who had a notorious drug and alcohol problem, she called me on the phone and slurred, “I’m ripped to the tits. I’ve been up for three days. You can come over but we're not gonna get any work done.”
I hung up the phone and after a moment of contemplation, I decided to go to her house anyway, partly because I wanted to see her loaded. Her drunken bouts were legendary. Mostly, though, I wanted her to feel my consistency. I wanted her to know that our schedule would remain the same and the book would get finished, no matter what brand of craziness she pulled.
When I arrived at her house and knocked on the door, she opened it with a bottle of beer in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. I stayed with her for the three hours we usually worked, it was pretty entertaining, and I left when the time was up. We didn't get any work done that day, she had been right about that, but I had demonstrated that I was consistent and would remain so. I would meet the deadline with or without her. Gratefully, that behavior was never repeated and the day after we finished writing, her friends did an intervention with her and she went into rehab.
Can you see how collaborating takes guts, inner strength, and a sense that you know what’s best in order to move beyond diversions and excavate someone else’s life? Even when it’s going smoothly, it takes stamina and courage to face the challenges that make up any artistic endeavor. It also takes a willingness to become someone else which is as hard as it sounds.