More on Taming the Inner Critic; Excerpt from my book: A Friendly Guide to Writing and Ghostwriting
In my book, “A friendly Guide to writing and Ghostwriting,” I wrote this:
When you make a commitment to treat yourself with respect,
The critical voice will become a whisper in the background of your creative expression.
Prolific author Stephen King found a way to outfox the inner critic. When he finishes a first draft, he resists the urge to edit. He doesn’t want to give his inner critic a chance to judge and nitpick. He also doesn't want to give himself a chance to get attached to any part of his writing. After he puts the draft away for a month, after the voices have died down, then and only then does he look at his work again with a critical eye as he attempts to cut at least ten percent of his total word count.
Everyone has a different approach for dealing with a negative mind. Some people try to make nice, others attack the critic with an elbow to the stomach and still others try to reason with it. One of my writing students makes a place for him at the far end of the table and another banishes him to the back yard. Whatever method you use to attempt to tame him, you need to make it clear that you’ll be writing anyway, no matter how much he tries to torment you. (I use the word “he” but for you, it might be a “she.”)
“Why does my critic hate me so much?” a student asked me. “Am I such a bad writer that I need to be reprimanded all the time?”
“I wouldn't take it personally,” I told him.
“What do you mean? Should I take it as a group?”
“Yes,” I said.
I got that line when I was working with Oscar winning producer, Lynda Obst. An equal opportunity persecutor, the loyal inner critic does what it can to cripple you. It’s like being in bad company. Hanging out with the wrong crowd. “My mind is a neighborhood,” says author Anne Lamott, “that I try not to go into alone.”
Have you noticed that the critic always has something contrary to say? If you make it to a writing class, he says, “Your writing was crap today. You should have stayed home and cleaned the house.”
If you skip a writing class, he says, “You aren’t very serious about writing, are you?”
If you put in some solid hours at the computer, he says, “You need some time off. You’re a workaholic.”
If you take a day off to pamper yourself, he says, “Stop being lazy. You’re not being productive and you’re going to become a bag lady.”
You feel trapped in a double bind, damned if you write and damned if you don't. Damned if you work and damned if you rest. “Remember when you slept late and missed that job interview?” the critic reminds you. “You blew it. You could be getting a higher salary and have a nicer boss. It’s too late now.” Or “You were stupid to let go of Frank. He was annoying and he cheated, but you’re never going to find anyone better. You’ll end up dying alone.”
In the face of such constant criticism, it's easy to see yourself as defective or broken and think that you’ve always been this way. But you need to keep reminding yourself that no matter how cunning, loud, persistent, and punishing the critic is, he’s not as powerful as you are. Remember that you serve at the pleasure of yourself, not that of your inner critic. Believing his rants is a bad habit that needs to be broken. If you make a commitment to treat yourself better and ignore the nattering voice in your head, it will become a distant whisper that eventually blends into the background.
In order to grow as a human being and a writer, you’ll have to refrain from hurting and judging yourself. Author Nathaniel Brandon said in his book, Six Pillars of Self-Esteem:
“In the inner courtroom of my mind, mine is the only judgment that counts. In order to grow as a writer, you will need an unwavering desire to see your work for what it is and to treat yourself and your writing with kindness and compassion.”
When you’re battling negativity, it’s easy to become delusional about your work and make up stories so you can feel better. Three days after one of my students had submitted his first book to an agent, he called to invite me to his celebration party.
“You just sent it to her,” I said. “Did she decide to represent you already?”
“No,” he said, “not yet. I haven't heard back from her. But I have a really good feeling about this. It’s a slam dunk. My book is so good, I didn't even bother to edit it.”
What do you think happened? He was turned down by a host of agents and he blamed them all for not recognizing his greatness. His attitude inspired me to make a list of ten ways to discover if you're being delusional about your work.
1. You celebrate your publishing deal before you get an agent or a publisher.
2. You don't read through your first draft because you're sure it doesn't need editing.
3. You know you’ve written a best seller and you feel insulted when agents don’t agree.
4. You’re bored with your material but you’re sure it will excite everyone else.
5. You’ve written ten pages about something that can be covered in two.
6. A professional editor gives you constructive feedback that you ignore.
7. When a number of readers reject your book with the same feedback, you blame them for being short-sighted.
8. Your spouse who never reads, scans your book and you're delighted when he sings your praises. Or depressed when he doesn’t.
9. You leave in errors and typos that you're too lazy or busy to edit out. You decide that the non-existent agent or publisher will do it for you.
10. The second half of the book repeats what you wrote in the first half. You assume your readers have forgotten what you already wrote so they need reminders.
Editing and rewriting over and over won’t chase the critic away. When I read back over my first book that I wrote decades ago, the critical voice still tells me it’s not good enough and I get the urge to start editing again. Of course it's too late. Master painter, Leonardo Da Vinci, believed that art was never finished, only abandoned. He felt that there was no end to how much an artist could improve upon a work of art. He also believed that whatever he created was never good enough. Even an artist as celebrated as Da Vinci was not immune to his inner critic so why do you think you should be? The idea is to learn how to tolerate him or her and keep on writing. Here are eight things you can do when your inner critic is attacking you:
1. Whatever the critical voice is saying, tell yourself the opposite.
2. Talk to the inner critic directly and don’t allow him to run the show.
3. Give yourself permission to write a bad first draft.
4. Stop comparing yourself to other writers. No two people are the same and neither are their creative expressions.
5. Don't ask for advice from someone who knows less about writing than you do. Nothing encourages the inner critic like someone agreeing with him.
6. Stop thinking about getting published. Write for yourself. (I know that’s
easier said than done.)
7. Decide on a prescribed amount of writing time and don’t stop until you reach the end.
8. When the voices get too loud, take a break but make a promise to come back.
9. Get support from friends when you’re being bullied by your thoughts.
10. If you have nothing to write, write about having nothing to write, a surefire way to overcome writer’s block.
You can parse sentences all day long, substitute adjectives, delete adverbs, correct spelling, and do a load of research. But if you can’t escape the incessant power trip of your inner voice, how will you ever find out if you have the talent to write? If you want to move forward, it requires courage and an iron will. It’s worth the effort because if you can finish what you started, you have a chance to feel the delicious flush of pride and accomplishment.
Each of us deserves the freedom to pursue our own version of happiness. No one deserves to be bullied.
- - - President Barack Hussein Obama