The Balanced Optimist
Imagine a monkey in the jungle, skipping and leaping, hanging from a long, hairy arm, flitting from branch to branch, settling for a moment when it finds something compelling or aggravating enough to get its attention, and in a few minutes, taking off again.
This an accurate description of my mind these days. Buddhist call it “monkey mind,” and for good reason. I focus on something that’s causing me anxiety, I do what I can to fix it, and after I take a moment to exhale, I’m off again, obsessing on the next thing. Like a heat seeking missile, it’s as if there’s a conduit in my brain that searches for something to be anxious about and bombard me with it. I try to click an imaginary remote and change the channel but it’s so stubborn, it’s a major task to get it to obey any kind of direction.
In this election year, it seems to be worse than usual. The pundits on TV feed on bad news, that’s nothing new, and they lie in wait to find something to scare us so much, we become glued to our televisions, trying to find some good news. But we can’t find any because bad news equals good ratings. Our newscasters have become Narcissistic celebrities who are searching for attention and kudos and a big payday. Where are the Walter Kronkites? The Tim Russerts? The Edward R. Murrows? The Sam Donaldsons? People with consciences who actually reported the news with no personal opinions?
I used to be a news junkie but today, I can’t watch five minutes of it without breaking out into an anxiety attack. Maybe that’s just me, but I don’t think so. People I know who are anxious and frightened often tell me, “I’m watching too much news.” But they can’t stop. Once you buckle into the car on the roller coaster and it starts moving, you can’t get off. Thankfully that kind of ride eventually ends but when you get caught in the worry and anxiety loop, finding a way out requires tremendous mental disciple and constant awareness.
I resent being manipulated so I’m practicing a balanced action that usually works for me. I don’t glue myself to the TV so I can avoid being bullied by reporters whose hunger for fame and fortune overrides their supposed job to report the news with no bias. But I don’t put my head in the sand, either. Giraffes who put their heads in the sand to turn over their eggs, remove them quickly so they can breathe. There has to be a happy medium between hiding and seeking the truth so I try to detach as I check the headlines in the daily newspaper (am I the only one who reads the paper anymore?) so I know if the world is still spinning on its axis. I want only the facts, I’m not interested in anyone else’s opinion, and after I do the crossword puzzle and wake up my brain, I go to the computer and get on with my writing life.
For those of us who have a spiritual bent and believe that focusing on something might draw it closer, why not visualize what you’d like to happen instead of visualizing a disaster and living it every day? Dale Carnegie, renowned author and lecturer said, “Be a balanced optimist. Nobody is suggesting that you become an oblivious Pollyanna, pretending that nothing bad will ever happen. Doing so can lead to poor decisions and invites people to take advantage of you. Instead, be a rational optimist who takes the good with the bad, hoping the good will outweigh the bad.”
I was talking to a friend in the Midwest who told me she was upset and anxious a lot of the time. I asked her why and she said, “It’s the news. I cut down the time I spend watching it but I still do it too much.” It’s a habit that’s hard to break. It seems to be the human condition to ride on the powerful waves of discontent, but I believe there’s a way to go against the tides. You know the old expression, “Ride the horse in the direction it’s going.” What if the horse is going off a cliff? Are we supposed to stay in the saddle? I’ve worked hard to find the courage to stand my ground and not go with the grain when I don’t like the grain. I point my horse in a different direction, search for the courage to take the bumpy ride, the road not taken, and head toward a peaceful place where I can breathe easy.
In 1986, I was planning a trip, my eighth, to the Philippines to research the faith healers. It was three weeks after the revolution that overthrew Ferdinand Marcos, and our newscasters were reporting riots all over the islands. They scared me so much, I nearly cancelled my trip, but after some contemplation and a few phone calls to my Filipino friends, I decided to go. When I landed in Manila and took a taxi to my hotel, there were no signs of violence anywhere. Nothing like the photographs that the talking heads had aired, over and over. In fact, it was the opposite. The people were uplifted because without resorting to violence, they had gotten rid of the 20-year reign of an evil dictator. In a “bloodless revolution,” they had declared their independence and although Muslim Separatist holy wars were ongoing on in the South, (they were always going on and they still are), the Filipinos in the rest of the islands had newfound hope.
I think what’s missing in our world today is hope. I’m not referring to “pie in the sky” expectations or blind denial. I’m talking about hope for the possibility of a better future. Hope for healing our wounds and our relationships. Hope that the good will outweigh the bad. Hope that we can find the light in the darkness. Hope that nourishes us and makes us want to get up in the morning.
While we have to accept what is, we can stop absorbing the constant onslaught of bad news that closes our hearts and permeates our lives. We can get out of the line of fire. We can go against the grain, turn the other way and choose to walk the path of caring, encouragement and service. We can take the high road, a simple, difficult and challenging choice that can improve our lives and open our hearts to new possibilities.