What Really Matters

I went to a movie some years ago called “Yesterday.” It was about an international blackout that lasted for a few seconds at the turn of the 21^st century. When it was over, one unsuccessful, unremarkable singer/songwriter was the only person on the planet who remembered that the Beatles had ever existed. At first, he thought he was crazy. If no one else had ever heard of the Beatles, was he delusional?

He strummed a few of their songs on his guitar and he realized he wasn’t making them up. He thought it was tragic that the world had lost this unequalled excellence so he did something radical. He introduced the songs as his own. He had been depressed because no one had acknowledge his talent. He hadn’t been able to get anyone to even listen to his demos. But now, the powers that be in the music industry were amazed and wowed by his talent and they immediately gave him a record contract, something he had been chasing for years. He had found new purpose and meaning. Each time he played a Beatle song, he knew he was bringing beauty to other people so although he felt guilty for taking credit for something he didn’t do, he took comfort in finding a way to do what really mattered to him.

It can be hard to figure out your purpose in a world that is so chaotic and dismissive, a world that rewards celebrity and bad politics and discounts a more modest approach to the truth. Some people have lofty ambitions while others have simpler goals.. Some people are meant to take center stage and others are meant to remain in the background and offer support. One is not better than the other. It’s about admitting to yourself what you need to feel satisfied in life, what you’re good at, and start going after it. It’s about being authentic and finding out what really matters to you.

When I first offered my writing class, seven people signed up and I thought I was a failure. I had friends who had thousands of social media followers so what good was it to reach only a few? I decided to go forward anyway and with each class, I slowly began to see the value in it and how it served me. I wasn’t cut out for working with large numbers of people. I thrived in a more intimate setting and seven people had found a way to tell the truth about their feelings and to heal. I had never expected the class to be so valuable but my students had come to trust each other. If everyone touched seven people in their lives and created a healing environment for them, just think about what a world this would be.

Lately, in quite a few of my blogs, I’ve been focusing on the little things that matter. Very few of us will make a big splash in life but all of us have small goals that will promote self-healing and that of others. A friend told me she was a people pleaser and she didn’t how to change that. “If you’re a people pleaser,” I said, “don’t you come under the category of ‘people?’” I suggested that instead of putting other people first, she could ask herself, “What do I want in this situation?”

It isn’t easy to reverse that programming, but the more we try, the easier it gets. Some years ago, I was collaborating with a successful motivational speaker who gave new meaning to the expression, “ants in her pants.” She was pacing the room one afternoon, on the phone with her manager and she didn’t look happy. Suddenly she stopped pacing and she asked me breathlessly, “What do you want for yourself? What are your hopes and dreams?”

I watched the gulls soar and swoop outside the windows of her sumptuous Malibu estate. She had no idea that they were there. In all of her accomplishments, she had no capacity to notice or appreciate beauty.

“Peace,” I said. “I want peace.”

She looked disappointed and said, “Is that all?”

When you do a small good thing over and over, it can become something larger. Vincent Van Gogh said, “Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together.”

There are so many ways to fill ourselves up. What other people do won’t necessarily work for you so you have to look inside and find out what really matters. I don’t do sitting mediation like some of my friends. I don’t repeat affirmations. I don’t keep a gratitude journal, but I’ve found my own way to take care of myself. I write every day. I knit beautiful things. I listen to friends and help ease their pain. I teach writing classes and give people a safe space to air their feeling and to heal their hearts.

Overlooking yourself is the path to suffering. Remembering what matters to you is the path to peace.

The Dalai Lama says, “We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.”