Who Am I?

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else, is the greatest accomplishment.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Among my shiny ghostwriting clients, I’ve been fortunate to work with some of the most influential singers/songwriters of my era. Diana Ross. Kenny Loggins. Grace Slick. John Densmore. I’ve taken away some powerful lessons from each of them that have permanently influenced my life.

Diana Ross taught me to ignore the rumor mill. I’d heard she was difficult but that wasn’t my experience. She couldn’t have been lovelier, worked harder or been more respectful.

Kenny Loggins showed me how to be a leader with someone who is used to leading. It took perseverance to keep him within the parameters of what we were doing and to stay on the same page.

John Densmore, drummer of the legendary Doors, showed up with no rock and roll ego. He cared about the poorest of the poor, and he had a great sense of humor. I worked with him on two of his books and I hope there are more.

Grace Slick, lead singer of Jefferson Airplane, taught me the most important lesson of all. To be myself. No compromises. When I worked with her, I got to witness someone who was unapologetically authentic at all times, for better or worse. She was consistent and I never had to wonder what she was feeling.

I went to see the Bob Dylan movie this week, “A Complete Unknown.” Timothée Chalamet was brilliant. I’ve never seen an actor embody the man he was playing with more skill and consistency. Dylan’s music was one of the backdrops of my life in the seventies and I recalled his dedication to being totally himself at all times. As I watched the movie, he reminded me of Grace as he continuously, never deliberately, pissed people off. Nothing threw him off his center, not in his youth or as he aged. He didn’t care what people thought of him or asked of him. He never swayed from who he was.

It's a gift to be who you are, but we’re not always sure. Being authentic is hard to define in a society of comparisons and one-upping. Who has the most money? Who is the prettiest? The most handsome? Who is the smartest? Who has the biggest house? Who has the most famous friends? Who has the most followers? Whose life is better than mine? I never saw an Instagram post where someone talked about the worst day of their lives. About feeling like shit and being depressed. It’s hard to be real in a world where people try to appear happy and strong, even when they feel sad and weak. If we think we’re supposed to be happy all the time, that’s a recipe for unhappiness. If we think we have to be strong all the time, we won’t learn how to soothe ourselves.

For me, being real is not a thought or a New Year’s Resolution. It’s a feeling. A vibe. A sense that you’re not battling with yourself. You’re not comparing yourself to anyone else. You’re accepting yourself and seeing how it feels to be in your own skin instead of trying to jump into somone else’s. To know what you want and what you don’t want. To say yes when you mean yes and no when you mean no. To be yourself whether or not you like it and whether or not anyone else likes it.

The thing that is really hard and really amazing is giving up on being perfect,

And beginning the work of becoming yourself.

- - - Anna Quindlan